For years, City Weekly’s Bill Frost summarized summers alphabetically'and we loved him for it. But like summer itself, Frost’s interest in continuing his streak couldn’t last forever. And maybe we realized we were doing a disservice to our more numerically inclined readers'you know, those for whom the Roman alphabet is all Greek to them. We feel you, number people. We feel you.
So, here is your quick and dirty guide to the season’s hot hot hot action, in a column crawling with integers. It’ll all be as easy as â€¦ well, you get the picture.
1 According to your mother, number of hours after eating you should wait before swimming, lest paralyzing cramps develop. Summer is too short to spend worrying about what your mother told you.
2 Number of 1960s-vintage Beach Boys'Mike Love and Bruce Johnston'who are members of the current touring incarnation coming to Sandy Amphitheatre June 9. At least that way they get to keep the plural, I guess.
3 Opportunities you’ll have to watch The Man With the Screaming Brain at the Tower Theatre when its writer and director'cult film legend Bruce Campbell'comes to town on July 9. Campbell will also sign copies of his new book, Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way. You can’t make up titles like these, folks.
4 Digit prominently displayed on blue costumes in Fantastic Four, the adaptation of the legendary comic-book team’s adventures opening in theaters July 8. Yeah, like the number is why we’ll be staring at Jessica Alba’s chest.
5 Season of the funniest show on television'Curb Your Enthusiasm'that will premiere on HBO on an as-yet-unspecified late summer date. Maybe. We hope.
6 Year for Harry Potter at Hogwart’s chronicled in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, coming to your favorite bookstore on July 16. Now 16 years old, Harry will learn new tricks in his herbology class that will lead into the seventh volume, Harry Potter and Youthful Experimentation.
7 O’clock p.m. start time for the Gallivan Center’s “Come Alive” free concert series Wednesday evenings June 22-Aug. 3. Local musicians, outside, and it don’t cost nothin’. Righteous.
8 One of the mysteriously significant numbers on the hit show Lost, the first season of which will be released on DVD Sept. 6. Maybe that release date should have been 8/15, hmmmm? (Note: This reference approved only for Lost nerds.)
9 Over/under for the number of days the high temperature in Salt Lake City will reach 100 degrees this summer, based on the thoroughly unscientific averaging of last year’s zero 100-degree days and 2003’s 17 century-mark scorchers.
10 Plays available to attendees at Cedar City’s renowned Utah Shakespearean Festival beginning June 23, including Romeo and Juliet and Love’s Labour’s Lost. OK, technically the 10th option is three “Plays in Progress,” but hey, you find something for every number.
11 The latter half of Seven-11, an integral part of childhood summers spent suckin’ down Slurpees and buying comic books. Oh sure, like it was just me.
12 Victories for the 2004 University of Utah football team. How many wins will the post-Alex Smith, post-Urban Meyer era produce? The first one could come Sept. 2 when the Utes host the University of Arizona.
13 Number of concerts in Red Butte Garden’s series of summer performances at their gorgeous outdoor amphitheater. Bruce Hornsby, Lyle Lovett and Cowboy Junkies are among the big names on tap.
20 Anticipated number of calls and/or emails from summer event organizers ticked off that we failed to include them in this issue.
23 Day in June that opens the annual Utah Arts Festival’s four days of music, artist booths and sunburn.
24 Day in July when some significant event or other is commemorated with kids shooting off those screeching fireworks outside my window. Stupid kids.
25 Anniversary for Provo’s Stadium of Fire Independence Day celebration, with headliners Lonestar and Mandy Moore. And of course it’ll be on July 2, because when’s the last time the Fourth of July was actually celebrated on the Fourth of July around here?
27 Number of years Salt Lake Acting Company’s Saturday’s Voyeur has been skewering Utah foibles. The latest installment opens this week and runs through Aug. 21, by which time some local public figure will have done something insane enough to become part of next year’s show.
300 Both the west and south coordinates of the weekend Farmers’ Markets at Pioneer Park. Food, crafts, art'and it’s all local.
1120 Feet of track on The Bat, the newest thrill ride at Lagoon. Finally bringing to Utah this “suspended rollercoaster” trend the kids are all so crazy about, The Bat twists and soars through the sky while you’re left screaming and dangling in the wind like a congressional staffer after a memo leak.
2006 Year when Bill Frost will be encouraged to dive back into that whole ABCs thing.