Eight film-padding additions to The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey that weren’t in the book:
8. A 45-minute discussion between Bilbo and Frodo about why the Quarter Pounder is called a Royale With Cheese in Mordor.
7. Travel montages set to extended walking-song remixes by Will.i.am.
6. Extra footage cut in from The Lord of the Rings and 8 Mile.
5. Smoke breaks.
4. A long, rambling speech about the Battle of Beleriand by guest star Si from Duck Dynasty.
3. The introduction of unrelated, obscure characters like Azog and Madea.
2. A flashback to when Sauron and Gollum first met at Fangorn Community College.
1. Several subtle product-placement sequences with Gandalf conjuring on his Microsoft Surface™.
