The Ocho: AK-47 Shoots for Eight | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
Support the Free Press.
Facts matter. Truth matters. Journalism matters.
Salt Lake City Weekly has been Utah's source of independent news and in-depth journalism since 1984.
Donate today to ensure the legacy continues.


The Ocho: AK-47 Shoots for Eight



Eight reasons Andrei Kirilenko wants to leave the Utah Jazz before his $63 million contract is up:

8. His burning desire to play for [insert any team/country/planet where Jazz coach Jerry Sloan isn’t] is just too strong.

7. Wife Masha’s clothing store in The Gateway will easily make up the income difference.

6. “It’s not you, it’s me. And by me, I mean my fucking coach.”

5. He can’t wait to play ball in Russia, where he’s considered a handsome chick-magnet.

4. Even more bizarre, he’s also considered a decent shooter there.

3. Kirilenko feels the millions of dollars he’d forfeit would be better utilized buying new Jazz players or “a woodchipper big enough to feed Jerry Sloan into … hypothetically.”

2. AK-47’s endorsement deal with Doug’s Shoot ‘N Sports never quite panned out.

1. “Uh, I have a sick daughter I need to go care for … yeah, that’s it. She’s allergic to Utah. Oh, and Jerry Sloan sucks!”