nEight reasons you didn’t go out on New Year’s Eve:

8. Nothing goes with this damned electronic ankle bracelet.
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n7. Had to guard home against roving bands of zombies (Ogden only).
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n6. Couldn’t tear self away from City Weekly’s fascinating Year in Preview 2009.
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n5. Busy backing up computer files in event of underreported Y2K9 Bug.
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n4. Didn’t want to show up drunk at first AA meeting of the New Year … again.
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n3. Thought The Rapture was coming. Turns out it was just gas.
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n2. DJing exclusive party at home for five cats and 44 Facebook friends.
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n1. Couldn’t buy enough NyQuil to get through First Night.