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Eight eventual benefits of the smoking ban going into effect in Utah bars Jan. 1, 2009:
n8. More stamina to outrun Mayor Becker’s hybrid police cars.
n7. Finally knowing what your favorite dive really smells like.
n6. No more women snubbing advances with a cigarette butt to your forehead.
n5. Finally knowing what your favorite stripper really looks like.
n4. A much healthier environment in which to ingest alcohol and fried food.
n3. No more feeling like chain-smoking jazz musicians are cooler than you.
n2. Saving enough money on cigarettes to buy first concealed weapon.
n1. Breaking one less Word of Wisdom code on the weekends.