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The Ocho | Vote, Utah!

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Eight sure-fire tricks to get Utah voters out to the Feb. 5 presidential primaries:

8.
The Jazz Bear shooting voter info pamphlets out of a T-shirt gun.

7. Voting booths placed at the end of buffet lines.

6. Complimentary “Pulling for Polling” massages, sponsored by Ron’s Rub & Tug.

5. Karaoke!

4. Free movie passes to that new Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson pile of crap.

3. Every 10th person gets an extra vote for Ron Paul, “Just for the hell of it.”

2. Wii-compatible electronic voting machines.

1. A two-drink minimum.

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