Eight reasons to ban smoking in Utah’s private clubs:

8. For the children … who are never in clubs, anyway.

7. To save the lungs of ban proponent Editor Ben Fulton … who’s never in clubs, anyway.

6. So we can be more like Los Angeles'minus the distraction of nightlife.

5. To bring out the full, rich flavor of 3.2 beer.

4. Karaoke singers will have more lung capacity to fumble through “Hollaback Girl.”

3. We can build a discarded ashtray tower to the moon.

2. Fingers crossed, Jon Huntsman Jr. will someday return to Burt’s Tiki Lounge.

1. Clubbers will finally find the will power to quit smoking on their own … yeah, right.