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The Ocho

Film at 10!

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Eight Sweeps-month TV “news” stories you may see in the next week:

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8. “Burning Ball of Death: How a new global threat from above called ‘the Sun’ may attack you and your family this summer'an exclusive report!nn

7. “Playground Pushers: Meet the new breed of drug dealer: 6-year-olds with woobies full of weed and Pixy Stixs loaded with blow, tonight at 10!”

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6. “Me vs. Me: Can your identity be stolen online and used in government cloning experiments? The answer may surprise you!nn

5. “Dangerous Diapers: Is your toddler a ticking time-bomb? The story every parent must see!nn

4. “QuakeWatch ’06: When will Utah’s devastating earthquake strike? And how will it affect your weekend plans?”

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3. “Sushi Shocker: Our six-month undercover investigative report reveals that trendy sushi you’ve been eating is actually … raw fish!nn

2. “Pussy Pandemic: Forget the bird flu'learn how your household cat is going to kill you and your children!nn

1. “Newsroom Terror: One of our anchors is one American Idol story away from snapping and going on a killing spree! We’ll tell you who, right after the break

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