8. It will be revealed after the Slayer/Marilyn Manson tour that Slayer’s Kerry King and Manson are madly in love and planning
an exclusive line of clothing for Hot Topic.
7. Hot Topic stores will open inside every Wal-Mart in America.
6. Metallica’s new release, to be sold exclusively at Starbucks, will be a slick country album featuring a cover of Brooks & Dunn’s “Boot Scootin’ Boogie.”
5. Metallica’s Lars Ulrich will reveal that they were never a heavy metal band; they’re now just showing their true colors.
4. On Metallica’s subsequent True Colors Tour, Kenny Chesney will open.
3. Kiss will do another farewell tour. No actual Kiss members will be involved.
2. The Kiss Army will have no problem with this and pay $5,000 to see “Kiss” for the “last time.”
1. Motorhead will tour everywhere but America, because kids here would rather see Fall Out Boy. Motorhead will kick ass anyway. This prediction is metal!