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The Ocho

Eight ways Utah state liquor stores should attempt to offset sticker-shock over new higher prices for alcohol

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8. Bikini models serving free sample shots at most locations (topless in Ogden).

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7. Rock radio stations holding “Peg the Breathalyzer” contests in the parking lots to win Def Leppard tickets.

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6. Advertise lower-end liquors on the bottom shelves with multipurpose promise “Also strips paint, clears drains and kills weeds.nn

5. Introduce new “Drinky McHooch’s Kidz Playland” child-care corners for alcoholic parents on the go.

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4. Install mini-stores on all TRAX trains to help justify UTA’s new rate hikes.

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3. Place the beers in unplugged refrigerators to at least give the appearance of correctly chilling them.

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2. Sell drinker-friendly magazines at the checkout stand, like Modern Drunkard, Bartender Magazine and Utah Bride & Groom.

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1. Bring back the mini bottle. It’s just the right thing to do.