8. "I am a Utah person of indeterminate gender, and my residence is none of your concern."

7. "Our gang is not a 'gang,' per se—not that we look down on the plight of urban youths."

6. "Our co-eds have self-esteem issues just like everyone else's, OK?"

5. "Our yell, you won't hear it ringing after 10 p.m. due to local noise ordinances."

4. "And when we prom the avenue, no still means no."

3. "We step in time to the tempo of our own individual choice with no judgment."

2. "We'll fight for dear old Crimson, and we've made a PowerPoint presentation that respectfully outlines our allegiance."

1. "Freshmen and seniors are of equal value and ... no, sorry—we have to draw the line somewhere."