The Plot Thickens | Staff Box | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » Staff Box

The Plot Thickens

What’s a conspiracy theory that you believe?

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What’s a conspiracy theory that you believe?

Paula Saltas: That Princess Diana wasn’t really killed in an auto accident. I believe she was murdered to shut her up about Prince Charles. Maybe I watch too much Sopranos.

Chad Allen: That there’s a large doomsday bunker under the Denver airport. I heard they have reserved a spot for John Saltas.

Ylish Merkley: All my missing socks actually get dissolved in the dryer to satiate the heating god’s sacrifice demands.

Bill Frost: That The Beatles were created by the Illuminati to destroy Christianity. It didn’t work; their latest attempt is soccer.

Sarah Arnoff: I think all the traffic lights in Salt Lake City are rigged to make drivers idle as long as possible.

Colin Wolf: A friend of mine recently pointed out that most “indie bands” are better categorized under the genre of easy listening. That’s a conspiracy theory I can get behind, because that means if you love Foster the People, then Harry Belafonte is your god.

Eric Peterson: I have a conspiracy theory against conspiracy theories. By and large, they’re just not real. If you suffer from the actions of a government or other organization, it’s because of ineptitude or institutional indifference of that organization. The machine out there doesn’t care enough about you to try and conspire against you as an individual. Sorry, but the truth is out there, and it’s kind of sad—you’re just not interesting enough for Big Brother to give a shit.