Two Mormons walk into a coffee shop. No Wilson, this isn't a joke—but it could be. They order lattes but the Gentile barista turns them away because she doesn't embrace their beliefs.

The religious freedom/civil rights conflict is central to the Culture Wars and a pending U.S. Supreme Court case—303 Creative v. Elenis—where a Colorado designer and Evangelical, Lori Smith, refused to create a wedding website for a same-sex couple.

The First Amendment, she argues, gives her the right not to speak, that is, create a website. But Colorado law says public business must serve all comers.

To grasp the case, justices turned to hypotheticals, including this one from Justice Samuel Alito: "Does a black Santa have to take a picture with a white child dressed up in a KKK outfit?"

Gawd.

The staff here at Smart Bomb pondered other potential conflicting rights cases: What if an unmarried Utah Ute fan and a single BYU Cougar fan want to live together, but a landlord refuses to rent to them because their union is unholy. Or what if a singer in the (Mormon) Tabernacle Choir wants to moonlight with a girl-band that covers, "Walk Like an Egyptian." The MoTabs director, however, denies her request because in "Genesis" the Israelites did not walk like Egyptians.

Sure, and it didn't rain frogs, either.

No Honor Among Thieves and Mike Lee
GOP "vultures" fleeced Herschel Walker's doomed Senate campaign with a sleight of hand that reveals the slimy underbelly of some of our reptilian "statesmen." Utah's Mike Lee and Burgess Owens, along with Sens. Lyndsay Graham and Rick Scott and others, sent out urgent texts and emails ahead of Georgia's Dec. 6 Senate runoff raising the alarm for folks to donate to Walker to save the country from Democrats.

But unless donors clicked the fine print, those GOP hustlers got half the money. Well hey, since Walker is going down, we might as well pick his carcass clean.

The National Republican Committee took up to 99% of individual Walker donations. There's more: In an October email, Donald Trump warned that "Our Senate Majority is on the line ... contribute any amount immediately!" The fine print diverted 90% to Trump's grifter PAC.

Walker's staff knew it, but could only look on as his brethren ate his lunch. Walker's campaign called them,"a bunch of vultures and hyenas," to no avail. Hey, they've been called a lot worse.

For Walker, it must've been nice to know his teammates had his back—with big f---ing knives. There is no honor among thieves or Republicans—no news there.

Where oh Where Did the John Birchers Go?
A long, long time ago, in a reality not too far away, there was a small group of whacky folks who claimed to be the real American patriots. Grinch didn't steal Christmas; it was the United Nations. The U.S. wasn't a democracy, it was a republic. Abortion and homosexuality were the devil's work. Democrats were running the country into socialism with Medicare and Medicaid.

Sound familiar? Surprise, it's not the Republican Freedom Caucus—or is it? Let's give credit where it's due—it's the John Birch Society, derided in the 1950s and '60s as a bunch of crackpots who saw conspiracies under every bed. They faded away only to re-materialize as the present-day Republican Party. Spooky.

But this time, Grinch didn't steal Christmas, it was those damned liberals. Wonder where Mike Lee got, "the U.S. is a republic, not a democracy"? Wonder no more. According to The Washington Post's Matthew Dallek, the postwar decades saw a slash-and-burn ideology take over the far right: challenging free and fair elections, acceptance of facts and the peaceful transfer of power. Hmmmm.

Now a new bunch of "real" American patriots—aka Trumpers—somehow got the notion to rid the country of democracy and replace it with ... who knows what. Where did the Birchers go? They went to Congress.

Postscript—That's about it for another week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of nuclear fusion so you don't have to. The Department of Energy just announced scientists have, for the first time, produced a fusion reaction that could provide unlimited cheap, clean power. There's just one little problem—it's 150 million degrees Celsius.

Here at Smart Bomb, we much prefer Cold Fusion. Remember that Wilson? In 1989, Martin Fleischmann and Stanley Pons announced at the University of Utah that they had created cold fusion in a Vlasic Pickle jar. It made headlines worldwide.

The Legislature put up $4.5 million for a brand new National Fusion Institute so Utah could lead the world. But no one else anywhere could produce cold fusion in a pickle jar and the U. of U., along with Fleischmann and Ponds, made headlines again. Ugh.

Moving on, Georgia Patriot Marjorie Taylor Greene told an audience at the New York Young Republican Club that if she were in charge of the Jan. 6 insurrections, that "we would have won ... [because] we would have been armed." It was a joke—or was it? She's so funny.

And finally this: A London-based tattoo removal studio will erase Kanye West tattoos for free. The procedure can cost up to $2,400. Call it tattoo regret—or stupidity.

Wilson, the religious freedom/civil rights clash is driving the staff crazy. These "crises" are mostly brought about by people calling themselves Christians. Good thing there are antidotes for this—remember The Bangles, that pop rock girl band who had the breakout hit "Walk Like an Egyptian"? The band must know this one, so hit it, Wilson:

All the old paintings on the tombs,
They do the sand dance,
Don't you know?
If they move too quick
They're falling down like a domino.

All the bazaar men by the Nile,
They got the money on a bet.
">Gold crocodiles they snap their teeth
On your cigarette.

Foreign types with their hookah pipes say
Walk like an Egyptian.

The blond waitresses takes their trays
They spin around and they cross the floor;
They've got the moves.
You drop your drink then they bring you more.

All the school kids so sick of books,
They like the punk and the metal band.
When the buzzer rings,
They're walking like an Egyptian.

All the kids in the marketplace say:
Walk like an Egyptian.

Slide your feet up the street
Bend your back
Shift your arm then you pull it back.
Walk like an Egyptian
Walk like an Egyptian
"Walk Like an Egyptian"—The Bangles