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New releases on home video and DVD for March.



The Contender (R, DreamWorks, 126 min.) A sordid sex scandal from a female senator’s (Joan Allen) past nearly derails her shot at the vice presidency, which only came because the male VP dropped dead. Is the glass ceiling half-empty or half-full? (March 6)

The Little Vampire (PG, New Line, 95 min.) A sickeningly cute American boy (sickeningly cute Jonathan Lipniki) moves to Scotland, befriends a vampire family and helps everyone learn a valuable lesson: Stay the hell out of Scotland! (March 6)

Meet the Parents (PG-13, Universal, 108 min.) Male nurse Greg Focker (Ben Stiller, doing his best Ben Stiller) wants to propose to his girlfriend (Teri Polo, almost lifelike), but must ask for her father’s (Robert DeNiro, doing his best Christopher Walken) blessing first—then, of course, everything goes horribly wrong. A more-funny-than-not hybrid of There’s Something About Mary and The In-Laws, but why couldn’t they just have called it That’s My Focker? (March 6)

Almost Famous (R, DreamWorks, 122 min.) Cameron Crowe’s semi-autobiographical tale of a teenage Rolling Stone writer (Patrick Fugit) hitting the road with a ’70s rock band (led by Billy Crudup and the ever-fab Jason Lee), making it with hot groupies (led by Kate Hudson), and learning a valuable lesson: Chicks dig writers! Well, not really, but Almost Famous is every bit as good as the unheeded hype made it out to be. Just forget that the band sounds like Pearl Jam on horse tranquilizers and everything will be cool. (March 13)

The Crew (PG-13, Buena Vista, 88 min.) Short of Stroker Ace II, how could Burt Reynolds piss away that newfound Boogie Nights screen cred in the most expedient manner? Star as a retired old mobster out to pull “one last job.” If the mere thought of a Stroker Ace sequel sounds crazy, just wait … (March 13)

Cruel Intentions 2 (R, Columbia TriStar, 87 min.) A star-free prequel to the hit 1998 hormone-fest, minus Ryan Phillippe’s preening (good), and Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair’s girl-on-girl action (bad). (March 13)

The Legend of Drunken Master (R, Dimension, 102 min.) Forget Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon—this 1994 Jackie Chan classic (originally Drunken Master II) has all the deadly kung-fu action and none of the mushy romanticism or subtitles. Following the master’s lead, this month’s Videorama was written entirely under the influence. (March 13)

The Tao of Steve (R, Sony Pictures Classics, 87 min.) Fat slacker Dex (Donal Logue) follows a code of cool as defined by the suavest of Steves (McQueen, not Young) to attract women. Does ignoring and acting smarter than the opposite sex really make you irresistible to them? Following the master’s lead, this month’s Videorama was written entirely without female companionship … as were all previous, and all those to come … (March 13)

Wonder Boys (R, Paramount, 112 Min.) They’re just going to keep re-releasing it until somebody watches: A hemp-friendly college professor and one-hit author (Michael Douglas) has a lost weekend with his gifted-but-screwy student (Tobey Maguire), his bisexual editor (Robert Downey Jr.), the married chancellor of the school—whom he’s impregnated (Frances McDormand)—and his hottie coed boarder (Katie Holmes). Will Paramount actually put Wonder Boys out this month, or is it another psych? (March 13)

The 6th Day (R, Columbia TriStar, 124 min.) An evil corporation has cloned Arnold Schwarzenegger, and now he must battle his identical self to regain his former life and dump that Planet Hollywood stock ASAP. (March 20)

The Crow: Salvation (R, Dimension, 102 min.) After long months of inconveniencing Salt Lakers while filming downtown years ago, the third Crow flick finally takes a direct-to-video dive—thanks, Miramax. On the upside, a boxed DVD set of 1994’s The Crow (great movie and soundtrack) and 1996’s The Crow: City of Angels (suckfest and great soundtrack) is set for release on the same date as Salvation, which stars Eric Mabius as The Crow, and Jodi Lyn O’Keefe and Kirsten Dunst as The Crow’s Latest Girlfriends. For a dead guy, the Crowster does all right with the ladies—is it the Tao of Stiff? (March 20)

Dancer in the Dark (R, Fine Line, 140 min.) A cheaply-filmed musical about a Czech immigrant (Bjork, just Bjork) who’s fired from a depressing American factory, slowly going blind and framed for murder? Get that popcorn ready! (March 20)

Lucky Numbers (R, Paramount, 105 min.) Not content to make the trip to Career Purgatory alone after Battlefield Earth, John Travolta grabs once-promising Friend Lisa Kudrow by the blonde ones and floors it in this “romantic lottery-heist comedy.” Next up for Barbarino: Stroker Ace II, with Burt Reynolds and Marisa Tomei. (March 20)

Remember the Titans (PG, Buena Vista, 108 min.) Yasmine Bleeth, Casper Van Dien, Victoria Principal and Jack Wagner return in an epic feature-length film to tie up the dramatic loose ends of NBC’s canceled Titans series and … What? It’s an inspirational Denzel Washington football movie? Oh, man. (March 20)

Turn It Up (R, New Line, 86 min.) A struggling hip-hop musician (Pras of the Fugees) fights to escape the mean streets and make it big, only to wind up on jury duty at the Puff Daddy trial. (March 20)

Charlie’s Angels (PG-13, Columbia TriStar, 98 min.) While Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu are widely considered to be the best six things about this action-packed Matrix-meets-Maybelline kicker, the invaluable contributions of thespian Crispin Glover cannot be disregarded. Yes, he was in the movie. (March 27)

Girlfight (R, Columbia TriStar, 110 min.) A young, hard-luck woman from the Bronx (Michelle Rodriguez) learns valuable lessons in living and loving by beating the crap out of people in the boxing ring. Charlie’s Angels had better just step off. (March 27)

Nurse Betty (R, USA, 109 min.) And the Oscar® for Best Supporting Mullet in a Comedy goes to … Aaron Eckhart! (March 27)

Red Planet (PG-13, Warner Bros., 106 min.) Led by Val Kilmer and a rag-tag team of astronauts, humanity’s last hope for survival is to colonize Mars after Earth is overrun with Old Navys and T.G.I Fridays. Soon, some genius opens a Red Planet Hollywood and it starts all over again. (March 27)

Rugrats in Paris (G, Paramount, 86 min.) The robots that Tommy’s dad designed for EuroReptarLand are going berserk and killing French people. So, what’s the problem? (March 27) u