Scott Renshaw: I’m looking forward to the latest webisode of Jason Chaffetz’s “America’s Ickiest Airport Patdowns.”
Susan Kruithof: A Sen. Orrin Hatch and Justin Bieber Christmas duet performing “Little Drummer Boy,” Bing and Bowie style.
Pete Saltas: Bob Bennett spending retirement making music videos with Keenan Cahill.
Jerre Wroble: Mayor Ralph Becker should dress up ninja-style, creep up to Red Butte Canyon, determine a way to insert a telescoping camera into the Chevron pipeline and search for signs of “cancer.” Anyone else attempting it would be arrested, but Becker would be hailed as a hero. YouTube would assure such an outcome. Go, Ralph.
Alissa Wells: What’s this “YouTube”? I’ve never heard of it, sounds classy. I should check it out.
Erik Daenitz: Rep. Jim Matheson posts a YouTube video of his colonoscopy to prove he won’t harbor nuclear waste in Utah.
Nick Clark: Bob Bennett’s tearful admission in tongues (with subtitles) to being the immortal spawn of Satan, and the video of Orrin Hatch admitting that he not only plagiarized his hit Hanukkah song “Eight Days of Hanukkah,” but that he’s not even Jewish.
Jesse Fruhwirth: That Rep. Carl Wimmer will make a special onstage appearance at the upcoming Lady Gaga show playing a giant chihuahua named Walrus.
Austen Diamond: I’d love to see a beer-laden snarky mockumentary on Utah politics by former City Weekly managing editor Josh Loftin. I’d give him a “Best of Utah” for that.
Rachel Piper: Utah legislators who never had sex-education classes wondering “how is babby formed?”
Dan Nailen: I just wish Gayle Ruzicka would quit posting that clip of her singing “Chocolate Rain.”