“It’s about time the LDS General Authorities did something about that sleazy tabloid.”
—LaPriel Pratt, Bountiful

“The Church just bought City Weekly? I thought they already owned it. They own everything else in town.”
—Fred McConkie, Draper

“Goodness gracious, that Saltas kid has done a super job with that paper of his. He’s done his people proud. Like I’ve always said, Jewish people are a talented bunch of folks, and John is a talented Jewish boy. It’s a real American success story, and he’s done a real bang-up job, and I hope the Church will continue his good work.”
—Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah

“No matter where I am, the first thing I do is read the latest issue of City Weekly. My old missionary companion writes the Deep End, so I feel like I’m part of the City Weekly family. As for the Church buying the paper, I say, good for them. It’s the American way. I hope my friend John Saltas made a ton of money. He doesn’t owe anybody an apology, and neither does the Church.”
—Mit Romney

“It’s about freaking time the Church bought that paper. Me and my extended family have saved a ton of money using it for toilet paper, and if the chaffing has made me irritable, so be it! Now I’m just waiting for the Church to buy The Salt Lake Tribune.”
—Gayle Ruzicka

“No comment, except to say that all those massage ads in City Weekly led me astray.”
—Kevin Garn, Nude Hot-Tubber

“That John Saltas is one lucky bastard. Why did the Church buy them instead of us?”
—Dean Singleton, publisher of The Salt Lake Tribune

“What’s City Weekly?”
–Gov. Gary Herbert