Hey
kids! Put down those video games and iPod’s for a sec. It’s
stroytime! Courtesy of your Uncle Gavin and his book Gavin’s
Underground Adventures! It’s like The Wizard of Oz
series, only with less poverty references.
--- Gavin:
Come on in here Billy. Hop up on my lap. HMPH! You know what Billy,
how about you take a seat on the floor. Uhhhhgh. When we’re done
here, you’re taking a lap around Pioneer Park. No seven year-old
should weigh over 100.
Billy: Uncle Gavin, why do I
have to sit here and listen to you talk about your long
nights?
Gavin: Because school’s out and your mom is
too cheap to pay for a summer program. Let’s get started, shall we?
Today’s story… “The Warehouse Show That Sorta Was.”
Gavin:
One day Gavin was pondering over what he was going to do for Sunday’s
posting. Looking over most of the shows and weighing his options, he
wanted to do something different this time around. Unsure of what he
was going to do he placed many phone calls throughout the day until
he got a hold of the one and only Eric James of the local funk
sensation Funk & Gonzo! He told Gavin about an amazing warehouse
show that was happening in an area that will have to remain
undisclosed.
Billy: So he gave you a golden
ticket?
Gavin: If by “golden” you mean “private”,
and by “ticket” you mean “location”, then yes.
Billy:
Why is it being done at a warehouse?
Gavin: Because
sometimes a venue is just too confining.
Billy: You
mean strict?
Gavin: Now’s not the time for details,
Billy.
Gavin: That Friday, Gavin made his way out to the
location, around 10PM. The walk to the show took him back to a decade
ago when he used to do this as a teen. Finding that show in the
middle of no where to hear three bands who all sound like Disturbed
covering Metallica while looking like Pearl Jam. And when you get
there you find the opening act is a lone solo artist who happens to
be the girlfriend of the guy who owns the place. And you really have
to ask yourself “I paid $8 to see this?” But I digress… This
was not the case tonight! Gavin was on his way to see such fantastic
acts as Funk & Gonzo, Devine Write, Spearit, Padrino, and DJ
Alkaline.
Billy: Who are they?
Gavin:
Local bands.
Billy: Who cares about local
bands?
Gavin: Billy, what do you listen to?
Billy:
My Chemical Romance.
Gavin: …(sigh)…
Later today, I’m duct taping you to a chair and you’re going to
listen to Nirvana’s In Utero. We’ll see how badly you
wanna go marching in the black parade after that.
Gavin:
Upon arriving, Gavin got the usual meet-and-greet from the crowd.
Some knew him from previous encounters; others wondered what the
long-haired freak was doing there with a camera. But overall everyone
was pretty friendly and up for a night of music.
Billy:
Just music?
Gavin: Billy, you are of no age to ask me
that question.
Billy: That’s not a “no.”
Gavin:
Moving on. Gavin chatted with Funk & Gonzo and Devine Write.
Padrino hadn’t shown up yet, no one knew why. And Spearit were all
chilling in a trailer far, far away from the crowd for some unknown
reason. The usual discussions open up. Radio sucks, liquor laws suck,
The Used suck, quoting “SLC Punk”, a story about someone you
don’t know but you suddenly have an interest in because it involves
them stealing avocados, and then wondering what you’re doing after
the show.
Billy: Is this really what adults do at these
shows?
Gavin: …I’m leaving large chunks out, but
yeah.
Billy: No wonder mom says you’ll always be
single.
Gavin: Finally, Funk & Gonzo took the
stage, and tore it up! The benefit to a warehouse show is that there
is no real time limit or content restrictions. The bands are free to
play whatever they want at whatever speed for a good hour at least.
And they held the crowd. If this was a sign of things to come, this
show was going to be one of the best of the year for Gavin.
Billy:
He looks like he's having a seizure.
Gavin:
That’s called getting in the groove of the music. Enjoying
yourself.
Billy: Looks more like a spasm
attack.
Gavin: Alright, remember this when you hit your
20’s and you start moving around to the offbeat drum in your
head.
Gavin: Next up was Devine Write, one of those
bands that you hear a lot about, but people can’t come up with an
accurate description of what they sound like. A band you have to
“experience.” Sadly, all Gavin really got to hear was the sound
check. Because in standard Utah fashion, local police broke up the
show before midnight.
Billy: Why did they do that,
Uncle Gavin?
Gavin: It’s a game cops play called
“Killing Time.” Thankfully they weren’t playing their other fun
game… “Filling Quota.”
Billy: Sounds like the
show was a bust.
Gavin: Yes Billy, yes it was. But
there’s a moral to this story.
Billy: Which
is?
Gavin: When the people running the show tell you to
get inside so the police can’t see you, you get inside and deal
with the temperature change. Take your smoke break later, text
instead of call, dress light next time. Overall, make sure you’re
not seen.
Billy: So the real moral is “Check yo ears
and give no woe, or 5-0 come to bust yo show.”
Gavin:
Fo sho!
Billy: ...That’s a stupid story, Uncle
Gavin.
Gavin: Fine, storytime is over! Go get your
jogging shoes on, I gotta spray Lysol where you just sat. And for the
rest of you kids, it’s festival week here on the blog. Interviews
are coming for The Dark Arts Festival and Pride 2008!