The Crate & Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest seems to have been going on for quite some time -- I think I remember voting for Gregory and Jonathan -- the gay couple -- last winter sometime. (I don't know them from Adam and Steve, but, hey -- they were the gay couple. Who else was gonna get my vote?) ---

Looks like the contest has finally ended. Greg & Jon got Second Place -- not bad, considering it comes with a $7,500 C&B shopping card. Yay!

I'm steaming with envy, of course -- but the question on everybody's mind is: What color KitchenAid did they register for? I raced to their tasteful online Crate & Barrel registry to find out.

And the answer is: Chrome.

The Artisan series 5-quart model in Chrome (pictured) is a beautiful KitchenAid. (It would be my second choice; I've been coveting one in Empire Red for years, but de gustibus non est disputandum and all that).

And now, I must enthuse for a moment over KitchenAid stand mixers: They're solid, powerful and really useful for anybody who cooks. For years, I used one belonging to my now-deceased housemate Noreen. (It was in Avocado Green -- a model which, considering how long it's been since that color was in style, hasn't been on the market for quite some time ... and that just goes to show how durable they are).

The KitchenAid is a heavy-duty appliance that lasts a lifetime and weighs 22 pounds -- but that's OK, because there's never any need to move it around much. It's so beautiful it deserves its own allotment of kitchen counter space, in a location where its proud owner can place it on permanent display. Also, its substantial heft keeps it securely in place even during freaky-demanding mixing tasks that would send lesser appliances skittering all over the place.

Nowadays, I'm stuck with a stupid Mixmaster, which I can hardly bear to lug out of the dark cupboard where it spends most of its time sullenly hiding its beige shame. It's hardly worth the trip from cupboard to counter anyway, because all the stupid Mixmaster can really do is give my cake batter a halfhearted stir as it spins its glass bowl around on its gimmicky system of wobbly turntables and oddly shaped beaters. (The KitchenAid's mixing bowls lock firmly into place with a satisfying twist, while its beater orbits smoothly on a well-engineered gear system.)

Perhaps that's a bit unfair: There are occasions when the Mixmaster spontaneously gets some moxie -- although in these cases, it usually ends up ambitiously spreading a warm, even layer of bread dough all over itself, the counters and me. (Noreen's Avocado Green KitchenAid never did that.)

At any rate, I'd like to wish Gregory and Jonathan mazel tov and many happy years together with their beautiful Artisan series 5-quart model in Chrome. Long may they mix.

Brandon's Big Gay Blog