This just in: Thursday, April 18 is Michael Scott’s (Steve Carrel) final day on The Office. Initially, I though Kenny Fucking Powers (Danny McBride) should replace him, but now … Two & a Half Men! ---

What’s new tonight:
Fairly Legal (USA) Kate (Sarah Shahi, pictured actual size) mediates a disagreement between a band and their lead singer about selling a song for a commercial. So there’s actually a band left who won’t trip over themselves to get a tune on a Toyota ad? Good to know. Fairly Legal is slowly—very slowly—becoming one of USA’s best series, and it’s even holding up in the ratings without a Royal Pains intro. No, I can't take another Shahi cancellation ...

Bones (Fox) It’s back: Booth (David Boreanaz) goes into full-on soldier mode to track down the sniper who took out the Gravedigger killer a few weeks ago. (Remember that? Exploded her whole damn head! So cool!) Meanwhile, Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top shows up again—this time, to chime in with a name for his unborn grand-baby. Of course it’s a job for the guy who wrote “Tube Steak Boogie.”

Archer (FX) Rachael Harris guest-voices as a Hollywood actress shadowing Lana (Aisha Tyler) on the job as research to play an international spy—ISIS really isn’t a very covert operation, is it? And yes, Archer (H. Jon Benjamin) will try to bang her.

Also new tonight:
The Big Bang Theory, Rules of Engagement, CSI, The Mentalist (CBS); American Idol (Fox); Jersey Shore (MTV); Eagleheart (Adult Swim); TNA Wrestling (Spike);  Conan (TBS)  

Preview: Archer’s always wanted to get it on with a thespian, or at least whatever rhymes with thespian ...