Attention content aggregators: While the linking of these blog posts for your online “papers” is appreciated, note that by the time you “publish” tomorrow, the info is obsolete. Hence, the title TV Tonight. ---

What’s new tonight:
Hellcats (The CW) Return: It’s been almost two months since The CW last aired a new Hellcats episode—how to pick up the plot thread? Here’s where we’re at: Now that Marti’s sprung the Wrongly Accused Man out of prison, her new quest is to find her father (because, as TV has taught us, every girl has daddy issues). Meanwhile, Dan films a zombie movie as his application into Lancer’s film school, and Alice investigates a cheating scandal with a reporter. Whatever happened to just bouncing around in skimpy cheerleader outfits? Let’s get back to the vision, already.

Glee (Fox) Return: So … Gwyneth Paltrow’s still hanging around, and it’s not sad at all. Also, Sue Sylvester is gunning for another school club, and it’s up to the glee kids to stop her! OK, never mind what I said about Hellcats—it’s Citizen fucking Kane compared to Glee.

Parenthood (NBC) Season Finale: Already? Seems a bit early, doesn’t it? According to NBC, Big Drama is in store for the Season 2 finale: “Sarah (Lauren Graham) and the rest of the Braverman family worry about Amber's (Mae Whitman) well-being after an accident. Meanwhile, Max’s (Max Burkholder) behavior upsets Adam (Peter Krause), and Julia (Erika Christensen) unexpectedly plays a big role in a woman’s labor and delivery. Also, Kristina (Monica Potter) helps with Haddie’s (Sarah Ramos) transition into womanhood and Crosby (Dax Shepard) tries to convince Jasmine (Joy Bryant) to visit his new property.” Sheesh …

16 & Pregnant (MTV) Season Premiere: All the hype about Jersey Shore being MTV’s biggest hit? The guidos and guidettes have nothing on Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant, the latter now entering its third (!) season. Weep for your country.

Also new tonight:
Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution, Dancing With the Stars, Body of Proof (ABC); The Biggest Loser (NBC); Raising Hope, Traffic Light (Fox); One Tree Hill (The CW); Destination Truth, Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen (Syfy); My Life as Liz (MTV); Pregnant In Heels (Bravo); Sports Show With Norm MacDonald (Comedy Central); The Deadliest Catch (Discovery); Conan (TBS)

Preview: Hellcats is still better than Glee—and now it has zombies!