What’s new tonight:

The Onion News Network (IFC) Season Premiere: Comedy Central’s Onion SportsDome may have tanked, but IFC’s Onion News Network lives to see a second season—likely due to the commanding news presence of one Brooke Alvarez (played amazingly straight-faced by Suzanne Sena, ---a former real reporter for E! and Fox News). She can even sell The End Of The World effectively: Tonight’s lead story is “Doomsday 2011,” an asteroid hurtling toward Earth that will surely obliterate us all; naturally, you get Ice-T and wife Coco to weigh in on the import of the event. After The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, ONN is all the news you need.

Sons of Anarchy (FX) Accept no tiny-screen substitutes at other bars: The original Sons of Anarchy TV Party is tonight at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21 ), free on the big screen at 8 p.m.—be there.

Also new tonight:
Dancing With the Stars, Body of Proof (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope (Fox); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); 90210, Ringer (The CW); Tosh.0, Workaholics (Comedy Central); The Rachel Zoe Project, Mad Fashion (Bravo); Teen Mom (MTV); 19 Kids & Counting, The Little Couple (TLC); Gene Simmons Family Jewels (A&E)

Kiss your ass goodbye with The Onion News Network: