What’s new on the rootin’ tootin’ tube tonight:

Dallas (TNT) Series Debut/Season Premiere/Reboot/Whatever: The biggest primetime soap of the ‘80s (hell, ever) is back and updated, as are original stars Patrick Duffy, Linda Gray and, natch, Larry Hagman, ---joined by Jordana Brewster and a new generation of young and hot(headed) Ewings. How does the oil-zillionaires drama hold up in modern 99-percenter times? Surprisingly well and, come on: It’s fucking DALLAS.

Necessary Roughness (USA) Roller Derby Alert: Sports shrink Dr. Dani helps out a depressed roller-derby star. There’s something PBR, tequila and a well-placed elbow or two can’t fix? How ‘bout that.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) Salt Lake City Auditions: There, mentioned. Leave me alone.

Also new tonight:
Duets (ABC); Dogs In the City (CBS); Melissa & Joey (ABC Family); Cajun Pawn Stars (History); Haunted Collector (Syfy); America’s Best Dance Crew (MTV); White Heat (BBC America); Royal Pains (USA)