What’s new on the incredible intelligence-enhancing rectangle this weekend:

Lost Girl (Syfy) New Night: Crime-fightin’ Canadian succubus Bo and her sexy-scary sidekick, Kenzi, move to Fridays—which is probably a more appropriate place for girl-on-girl sci-fi action than Mondays. ---If you’re into appropriateness, that is.

Portlandia: The Brunch Special (IFC) Read all about it in True TV (Item 2).

Also new tonight:
Chasing UFOs (NatGeo); Friday Night Smackdown (Syfy); Say Yes to the Dress (TLC); Tyler Perry’s House of Payne (TBS); My Babysitter’s a Vampire (Disney); Fashion Police (E!); Common Law (USA); Comedy Bang Bang, Bunk (IFC)

Happily Never After (ID) Series Debut: A new reality-doc series about newlyweds who died on or around the date of their nuptials. -- wait, ain't that Bunheads?

Oddities: San Francisco (Science) Season Finale: Read all about it in True TV (Item 3).

Also new Saturday:
NYC 22 (CBS); 30 Greatest Olympic Moments (NBC); Bad Dog!, My Cat From Hell, Tanked: Unfiltered (Animal Planet); An Officer and a Murderer (Lifetime); Dark Matters (Science); Stand-Up in Stilettos (TV Guide)

The Bachelorette (ABC) Season Finale: It’s finally over—will Emily choose the Utah guy or the other guy? And how glad am I that I don’t have idiot editors forcing me to write about “the local angle” on this shit? Pretty fucking glad, I’ll tell you what!

Squidbillies (Adult Swim) Season Premiere: Read all about it in True TV (Item 4).

Breaking Bad (AMC) It's free on the big screen at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West; 21+), 8 p.m., presented by True TV, Red Rock Brewing and Heisenberg. For gawd’s sake, arrive early for a seat!

Also new Sunday:
Big Brother (CBS); Teen Choice Awards 2012 (Fox); The Glades, Longmire (A&E); Ice Road Truckers, Shark Wranglers (History); The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo); Mob Wives Chicago, Big Ang (VH1); Army Wives, Drop Dead Diva (Lifetime); Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Mrs. Eastwood & Company (E!); Bridezillas (We); Aqua Something You Know Whatever (Adult Swim); Falling Skies, The Great Escape (TNT); True Blood, The Newsroom (HBO); Weeds, Episodes (Showtime)