What’s new on the box(es) tonight:

Last Man Standing (ABC) Season Premiere: Not only is Tim Allen’s utterly fucking awful sitcom back for a third(!) season tonight, he’s also got Si and Willie from Duck Dynasty—it’s the convergence of All Things Terrible. ---But hey, at least Nancy Travis still has a job.

The Neighbors (ABC) Season Premiere: One of the most-maligned new comedies of last season has been sent to the Friday Night Island of Doom—too bad, because critics (myself included) should give the suburban aliens of The Neighbors a second chance; after Last Man Standing, its going to look like genius. But hey, at least Jamie Gertz still has a job.

Also new tonight:

Shark Tank (ABC)

Perfect Score, America’s Next Top Model (The CW)

WWE Smackdown, Haven (Syfy)

Fashion Police, Hello Ross (E!)

Best Week Ever (VH1)

Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO)

Strike Back (Cinemax)