The Hack Stamp: FREE BIRDS | Buzz Blog
We need your help.

Newspapers and media companies nationwide are closing or suffering mass layoffs since the coronavirus impacted all of us starting in March. City Weekly's entire existence is directly tied to people getting together in groups--in clubs, restaurants, and at concerts and events--which are the industries most affected by new coronavirus regulations.

Our industry is not healthy. Yet, City Weekly has continued publishing thanks to the generosity of readers like you. Utah needs independent journalism more than ever, and we're asking for your continued support of our editorial voice. We are fighting for you and all the people and businesses hardest hit by this pandemic.

You can help by making a one-time or recurring donation on PressBackers.com, which directs you to our Galena Fund 501(c)(3) non-profit, a resource dedicated to help fund local journalism. It is never too late. It is never too little. Thank you. DONATE

The Hack Stamp: FREE BIRDS

by

comment
blog10101widea.jpg
It's an animated movie about turkeys. Most critics didn't like it. Guess how the lazy ones described it. ---

Yes, Free Birds is the kind of movie for which The Hack Stamp exists: a movie with ready-made metaphorical catch phrases for the reviews. And that means plenty of references to the alternate meaning of "bird commonly served for Thanksgiving dinner":

“Frozen, undercooked and sorely lacking much in the way of ‘all the trimmings,’ this turkey isn’t ready to serve.” – Roger Moore, McClatchy News Service

“Although it seldom approaches the inspiration of its plucky premise … Free Birds nevertheless manages to avoid being branded a holiday turkey.” – Michael Rechtshaffen, Hollywood Reporter

“Yup, you guessed it, folks. This one's a turkey!” – Teddy Durgin, Screen It! (The exclamation point is helpful in case we might miss the wit involved.)

“[T]here’s no way to cover up what this movie is: a turkey.” – Chris Hewitt, St. Paul Pioneer Press

“This is a turkey of a film for the whole MSG-addled family, undercooked to imperfection.” – Jim Tudor, TwitchFilm

But let's not forget ways to incorporate other Thanksgiving-dinner-related references:

Free Birds should get stuffed.” – William Bibbiani, Crave Online

“Month-old mashed potatoes wouldn’t leave behind as questionable an aftertaste as Free Birds…” – Justin Chang, Variety

“The next hour is ... totally different and is as dull as Thanksgiving leftovers.” – Gary Wolcott, Tri-City Herald

“Even fresh, Free Turkeys [sic] is lame; it probably fares even worse as leftovers.” – Drew Taylor, IndieWire

“[T]here’s little reason to be thankful for this undercooked, over-stuffed effort.” – Liam Lacey, Toronto Globe and Mail

“A stale turkey hash that heaves a lot of ingredients in the oven but never turns on the gas…” – David Hiltbrand, Philadelphia Enquirer

Wait, what if you want to suggest that a film about turkeys might put you to sleep? Hmmm...

“Watching this film, however, is like getting a hearty dose of L-tryptophan.” – Laura Clifford, Reeling Reviews

“Think of how sleepy you become after Thanksgiving dinner and you’ll know the effect of Free Birds…” – Matt Pais, Red Eye

“…the real problem was that Free Birds just seemed a little slow (maybe it's all the tryptophan?)”—Kathy Jakicic, Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel

Then there's this uniquely delightful mixed metaphor:

“It would be too generous to call Free Birds a delight, but if you’re up for a bit of an unusual flight, by all means dig in.” – Mark Meszoros, News-Herald (Willoughby, Ohio)

Yes, by all means: Dig into this flight, mmmm ... flight.