When I was in Greece this summer, I bought
Pat Bagley a set of Greek worry beads.
As editorial cartoonist for The Salt Lake
Tribune, I figured he needed them. Worry
beads are not prayer beads. Worry beads
are for bouncing around in your pocket,
for dinking around with, for twirling, for
flicking back and forth. They’re basically
just something that Greeks use to keep
their hands busy between cigarettes.
Anywhere in Greece that you can find
worry beads, you’re also sure to find all
manner of “evil-eye” trinkets. Many cultures
have evil-eye traditions, either to
cast a spell on an enemy or to offer protection
from one. In modern Greece, and
despite some villagers who still swear by
their mystical powers, the evil eye is mostly
a means to take a few Euros from silly
tourists. I killed two birds with one stone
by buying Bagley a set of evil-eye worry
beads. From here on out, Bagley has nothing
to worry about.
There’s a bead for Gayle Ruzicka and another for Sen. Chris Buttars. There’s one for County Councilman Randy Horiuchi, just in case. And there’s one for the guy who signs Bagley’s paycheck, Dean Singleton, who would dump Bagley tomorrow if he weren’t making him money—really, is there any other reason to read the Tribune editorial page? Well, the letters, maybe, and judging by them, Bagley may not have enough evil-eye beads to make a difference. Today, for instance, a Tribune reader named Lynn D. Wardle—a BYU professor, no less—challenged Bagley for his take on the recent controversial speech delivered by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle for the LDS Church. Attempting to defend his faith, Oaks managed to rile blacks, gays and most of Vermont, but not Wardle.
Oaks is not the first LDS apostle to put
his foot in his mouth. It seems a birthright
to be named as an LDS apostle, then to set
about alienating and angering anyone who
is not LDS. From Parley P. Pratt (alleged to
have been shot in the back by the husband
of a woman Pratt was said to be seducing
into becoming his ninth wife) to Bruce R.
McConkie (who said that “negroes” during
the wars taking place in the LDS preexistence
weren’t as valiant as other races,
and were thus cursed in this existence
and denied LDS priesthood) and Bruce C.
Hafen (who recently assuredly claimed
homosexuality is not found in one’s DNA),
certain LDS leaders have done more to
burn the bridges of unity than to build
them. Oaks is among that divisive group.
To his credit (or
blushing red face, it’s
not known which), in
1978, when the LDS
church unveiled its
revelation that members
of the black race
could indeed attain
priesthood rank in
the LDS Church,
McConkie didn’t skip
a beat. He said he was
merely commenting
on information known
to him at that time and
with the new information
he now had, bygones were bygones,
and for everyone to forget everything he
previously had said about blacks. As cynics
have said ever since, the first to “forget
everything” was the BYU football coaching
staff. For the past 30 years, blacks have
been playing valiantly at the running back,
cornerback and safety positions on the
BYU football team, but not on the interior
line.
Perhaps it’s only a matter of time before
another revelation allows for gay equality
in the LDS faith, opening the doors for
some of those buffed-up, gay cowboys to
step up and kick some straight butt for the
Team Down South. But, from the way Elder
Oaks is talking, I wouldn’t hold out much
hope. He’s taken the issue of gay rights
and turned it like a cheap radio dial to
announce it’s not gays who are oppressed,
but people like him. He said his religious
freedoms are being attacked. He said those
attacks, spearheaded by gays and their
allies (who were responding to attacks on
gay marriage by the LDS Church), are a
form of religious bigotry equal to the racial
bigotry experienced by blacks who fought
and died for their own civil rights. Most
everyone possessing a sense of irony and
a full deck of cards could justifiably ask,
“WTF did he just say?”
Bagley drew a cartoon that not only
skewered Oaks, it made a souvlaki out
of him. The cartoon shows Oaks befuddled
by a litany of actual biases endured
by gays (from being
denied marriage and
service in the armed
forces to losing their
jobs for being gay), and
wonders if Oaks really
knows what it’s like to
be gay. Oaks doesn’t,
which is excusable, but
what isn’t excusable is
that Oaks is also intolerant.
And blind. His
words speak to that.
He speaks for millions
of people, including
my LDS friends and
neighbors. Some agree with Oaks; many
don’t. But, Lynn D. Wardle agrees with
Oaks and thinks Bagley is the bad guy.
Wardle is a frequent apologist for real or perceived LDS bias against gays. If you can believe Wikipedia, he’s an alleged paid hired gun for groups that advocate denying equal protection to gay couples. That’s what it’s come to. It’s a frequent method of defense, to attack the accuser. It doesn’t change the truth, though—Oaks went far overboard while speaking freely in a free society about losing the religious freedoms that he practices daily. If he were right, could he have done that? His “persecution” is an acorn next to the mighty oak of the black civil rights movement.
I still have Bagley’s beads. I better get them to him, pronto. Judging by other negative Bagley letters, he’s going to need them.
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